It has been a great deal of time, you have all been oh so very patient. Shall we begin? Where should we start with this incredible cultural exchange? You might not have known, but I've been in China for the past month. I returned on the 6th, a kind dear old day to majestically waltz back from Russia having sat on a 11-hour bus ride…for 11 hours. It was vaguely 11 hours the whole entire time, straight, whatever, no getting out of the seat, blah blah blah. I would say the highlight of the trip back (haha, look at that, I'm talking about the return journey, not even the trip itself) was stopping at the Chinese border with Russia where we had to redo, instigate, apply our visa or all of our cards, papers and whatnot. We waited a nice long while. Anyway, fifteen minutes after that we stopped at the RUSSIAN passport exchange, which lasted near two hours. I'm not even going to get into that, it speaks for itself. Bureaucratic exchange madness.
So, take a month and a half back from the…obvious lack of contact, I jumped on a bus to China. You know, that really big country that just had the Olympic Games. So, the bus ride was…smooth. Kinda really annoying. So we get on the train, more enjoyable since we could get up and walk around. We could even sleep on a hard flat surface that posed as a bed, which was more than enough. Turns out it would be better than in the beds in China. Go figure. We stopped in a city and were allowed to jump around for a few minutes. It was cold. We're talking thick, cold, air. I had no idea where we were, maybe we were near a body of water. It was about -25. This called for action. This called for a purchase of Black Leather Gloves; BLG's. I got ripped off. My first haggling gig…not so incredibly awesome. We went to a café; Chloé, Manon and I. It was the worst service I have ever experienced. We sit down and call the waitress, the devushka, over and she……………..stares at us………………………………….for a significantly annoying amount of time…………….and walks over……dot dot dot…………stops and rolls her eyes, chewing gum like cud, the cow. So rude. I just wanted some ice cream (and it was good ice cream). Anyway, whatever that city was don't go to it, it was really unwelcoming.
So then we get to Harbin, m'kay? Harbin. Was. Cold. You knew that was coming didn't you? I mean Vladivostok was cold, -10 to -15 in a day. Harbin was at least -20 everyday! That was just normal, however. -30 was a dream. Of course the -35C day was a dream, we were at the Ice Town with all the pretty lights and all that. Good night. I didn't have any feeling in my arms for a good forty-five minutes. The BLG's didn't help so much that night. They're more, if anything, for show. They have mild comfort but this isn't an Amazon.com review of gloves now is it?
So here was the dillio: there were going to be 4 students to a room, we were to have passes to get back in the evening, we could go out at night as long as we came back at some point within 24-hours, and we needed to go to the Chinese lessons (by "we" I mean to say the Russian Students, we the Rotary Students were not obligated because we were already learning another language, that would be ridiculous, right?). We went to a few classes anyway, two, and I still remember all the Chinese. "Hello, my name is…", "I'm American", "How much is that dumpling salad you have over there, the one beyond the Pollack façade?" The usual stuff you need to know.
Manon knew a girl from her school, Melodie, who is an AFS student, another travel agency. Similar, but different. We met with her and two other AFS students, Lee from California and Alex from Tazmania, and no, he is not a kiwi. Kiwians are from New Zealand (not New Zealiaaand). We hung out with them for the majority of our adventure in the great Peoples Republic and without them we probably would not have got along as swimmingly as we would have without them. We learned the way and law of China, as we were outsiders in yet another world of pure madness. China is a whole new pond to swim in, full of…strange things. Strange things full of MADNESS. The first one was the larva vacuum sealed in plastic bags. We're not talking small larva the size of your pinki or anything, we're talking dudes the size of your forearm. Woah, not as thick, that'd be whack, yo. Still, they eat those like candy. Its larva. I don't get it. They sell everything in China, and it sells for cheap. Candy, movies, internet, larva, even. Its all free if you pay for it. And the pay ain't much. So all in all everything is nearly free or something like that.
Harbin was full of garbage and dirt. I had trouble calling the place beautiful in any sense of the word. The people weren't very nice either; that may be Chinese culture, but you still don't have to look at me like that. Some of the time people were great. But not when they're drunk in a taxi and contradicting themselves.
"You American?"
"Yes I'm an American."
"I don't like Americans."
"That's a shame." (he didn't know what I was saying, the AFS students were translating.
"I don't like you being in Iraq."
"That makes two of us."
"I like Bush."
"Excuse me?"
"I like Bush Jr. and Bush Sr."
"What the-are you kidding me?"
"I don't like Obama."
"What the heck is wrong with you, he was inaugurated today!"
"I don't like Americans, but I like you!"
The 'spitting thing' also caused the Rotary Students and I a great deal of discomfort. They would hock the greatest, largest, phlemiest lugy in the world and they would hurl it hence their mouth like a bat out of hell. To clean the spirits and all. Yeah, I'll let that one pass the conscience. We also went to a tiger park which basically mean you get about 75 endangered tigers and put them in a park with a few lions to boot, and why not toss in the ability to buy chickens, goats, sheep to feed to the tigers, lions and ligers? Oh yeah, if you were really sick and twisted (and you'll find some people in China with some interesting thoughts) you could buy a COW. A full grown heifer to feed to the lions. How would they get it into the cages without a riot? The SUV drove into the compound, and then the driver made a slightly mistake, and opened his door (the mistake) to toss the chicken onto the roof of the fenced off SUV. OK, all the people are really excited 'cause the chicken looks a bit confused, "Why am I on the top of a vehicle?" it says. Suddenly a four hundred-pound Siberean Tiger leaps onto the car and bites down on the chicken, which fit comfortably in its own mouth. It wasn't gory or anything, but that didn't make a difference to the Swiss, New York, and Russian tourists who screamed. I had a camera going but the tiger leapt away with the chicken and had a feast in the bushes. I think the cow situation would have been really messed up.
Rooming with Russians wasn't an experience, it was more of an ordeal. I'm not saying that all Russians are like this but for some reason it was a real pain to deal with these students. They were all younger than 17, mostly 15 or 16, from school and there were 18 of them. For some reason I was in the room with Dennis, Vanya and…darn I forgot his name, and Denis and Vanya were pretty much the most annoying people on the planet for the next month. They'd fight, like brothers, for about 2 hours, all the time, with table legs, plungers, whatever, yell, scream, make a big deal about stupid things, and smoke with all the other guys in the adjoining rooms, which wasn't allowed. It was always great to be in the middle of the angry Chinese room cleaner who would yell at me about the smoking in their room. Never again am I going to lend people money, because I still haven't got mine back…Also, never lend them your key's after they have lost their because they'll then lose yours in which case they'll need another pair to get illegal copies made so the hotel administration won't find out. Which they will. And they'll yell too. They did at me. I just wanted my key's back. The best part was when I got back to my room after having complained about going to my room to find Denis for my keys. So I did, and they were all there. The chaperone, the students, the Chinese angry lady, and then they lied about which room we slept in to it would have been OK, or something like that. Apparently I didn't sleep in the room I slept in for those five minutes. Did I say the best part? No, this was the best part. Long day, ten hours of excitement and wow, I come back, I want to go to bed, I open the door, which shouldn't have been unlocked, and guess what? My room door was locked. This is an interesting circumstance I had encountered. I didn't have keys and they had locked all the doors. What, are they idiots? Do they have no common sense or courtesy whatsoever? It didn't matter. I was pissed. Incidentally their TV was on the table along with the DVD player, and luckily I had my movies with me. Movies are cheap in China. I watched Band of Brothers for four hours along with Love Actually and an Episode of Planet Earth. They came back. I was a bit angry. These goons thought it was the funniest thing in the entire world, that I had been waiting to go to sleep for 8 hours (as I exclaimed in my broken Russian; I was unwilling to speak complete Russian until I had had my say, and oh, did I have my say). So I got to bed. Finally. Some things I just don't understand. That’s one of them. That’s one of the many.
Beijing 2009. The trip of a life. 5 days I spent warm, sunny, high-density smog induced days experiencing a once in a lifetime opportunity to walk (and run) on the Great Wall, to photograph the White Pagoda, the Summer Castle, the Forbidden City, Beihai Park, the Temple of Heaven, the streets of Beijing, the Culture Streets, Tien'anmen Square, the Mao Memorial and to not be outdone, the 2008 Olympic Arenas, the Water Cube and Birds Nest. Simply amazing things. I need to go back. Five day's wasn't enough.
China was a one-in-a-lifetime, so I jumped on that bandwagon like a Russian Carny. If you don't know what I'm talking about refer to 1:52:26hr of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers when Legolas does his thing. Don't worry. If any of you are more than willing to check that out you're a nerd. So back to going to China, I'm glad to be back in Vladivostok. It’s a nice, warm, welcoming place. Going to Moscow and St. Petersburg soon, all that Jazz. I'm gonna pop some photos on the blog in some time and on the next one I'll have descriptions of the place that way you shan't be so confused. In the meantime take it easy, world. The free world is on the horizon. I see the sun shining.
MY GOSH! A stolen sphynx from ancient egypt? I have a riddle for you...
